Funerals are a funny thing.

Here for your reading pleasure, is how my day went.

Its starts normal:

• seminary
• school
  -see Sammy
  -see Best Friend
  -sees nurse
  -lunch
  -.....phone call....?

AH, yes. The dreaded phone call.

I usually never get phone calls during school hours. Unless someone wants me to babysit later that day, but still. Phone calls during school are rare. So thats why i started to worry. Thank goodness it was during lunch and i was in the drama room. Almost..ironic in a sense. That prompting to go to the drama room when the idea was first pitched. There's twisted humor for you-you have to really want to see it. Now, if your mother were to call you at lunch, you automatically think, "uh-oh, who is dead/dying/sick/injured/getting a divorce/got in an accident..?"

What is amazing is when the answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE. One of those, "Oops! I meant to call (insert other persons name here)! Haha, sorry!"

Hahahaha, yeah..... I'm not that lucky. No sir. At lunch, the answer was (condensed for your sake) basically this,"Great grandma is in the hospital. Doesn't look good. Doctors aren't sure if she is stable enough to operate...I'm picking you up from school early. Love you, bye." Yeeaahhhh, that was it in a nut shell. From there..its been downhill....

As soon as my mom picks me up, I find out she has less than an hour to live. This was an hour ago. Whether or not she is still alive, I'm not sure. I don't believe she is.

It's weird. My dad just saw her the other day.. THE OTHER DAY! and yet there she is! (or isnt) lying in a hospital bed, DYING. And I'm not there. Not there to say goodbye and tell her how much i am going to miss her and tell her how much i love her. No. Im here. Freaking blogging about it because its the only way i can vent right now. The last things i get to say to her are being written. At least its something right? Just not something she will read..or even Great Grandpa for that matter. I wonder how he's doing..

Well, within the next week or two. There will be a funeral. I will get dressed up in black clothing. Sit in pews and listen to family speak about my Great Grandmother. Then, thats where it will really hit me that she is not coming back. And i will cry for another week or so..and feel weird for a while. No one will want to talk about it. So i will be alone. In a corner. Trying to recall all the times i was there at her home. And trying to keep the picture of her face alive and smiling in my mind. Funerals are a funny thing. Possibly the only occasion where people are gathered together sharing each others pain and grief and sorrow, all united and filled with the same empty void. Amazing and sad at the same time.