Lambchop is my new bff <333

He is my new best friend. I LOVE him. He is that cool. He gets his own blog post. He was my best friend all night. Well, other than my girls. And Sis. Degraff said I could borrow him anytime! So I am super excited. He's really funny and likes party hats. And long walks on the beach..ladies as far as I know Lambchop is available!! Hahaha.

One of the coolest parts of the night though, is when my friend told me i could keep his sweater another few days. So yay!! I love it. I might not give it back. Its comfortable and keeps me warm. Its awesome and its BYU so its even cooler. Yep. And guess what Mr. Langston? It's better than UCLA!!!! Haha, just kidding..not really....again, please don't fail me. To the person who is letting me borrow his sweater (if he ever reads this which I highly doubt he will..) thank you so much and like I said, I love ya! And BTW Sweater Guy, #11 on the list is so not a joke and you know it!

It was fun to make the standards commercials, and even though I got a few weird looks from the Menifee ward, it was worth it. Lambchop was all dressed up and i had my hat. It was all we needed folks. Just me and Lambchop acting out skits together....with the help of our lovely co-stars. Thank you too all. Both Lambchop and I are excited to go to the Academy Awards next year. We are looking forward to it. It shall be a splendid event. We have seats next to Christian Bale himself.

Well, seeing as I have nothing left to say...I guess I'll go now.

Off to Neverland!! (yeah, I wish..)

=]

oh, not another mind made up!

Say, we'll make them see we've got no more room to breathe.

I love that song. NO MORE ROOM TO BREATHE by There For Tomorrow. I think it's amazing. So today was interesting-for lack of a better word. Weird just doesn't explain it. Anyways, I've been looking at colleges a lot lately. My opinion of any of the BYU's is...I'm all for it one minute and then the next I'm like..No, I don't wanna go to BYU (insert name here). Its all very confusing. And while I'm struggling to begin to make a decision about which college to attend, I've picked my classes for next year. Here's what I'm going to be taking:

• AP Literature
• AP U.S History
• Math Analysis (a.k.a pre cal.- recommended by Mr. Langston)
• Chemistry
• Art 1
• AP Psychology

Sounds exciting right? Yeah, I hope so. AP Psych. sounds so. And considering I want to be a Psychiatrist, that might just help. =] haha...yeah.

In your opinion, which is better? USC or UCLA? Personally, USC is better. Only because they have the same colors as Barstow High School. GO AZTECS! Hahaha, if my grandma were to read this, she'd be laughing so hard right now. Hahaha, I remember the last time she laughed really hard..it was great. She remembers too. Its hard to forget that. I mean she spilt her drink all over the counter and ice on the floor...yeah, I might just have her read this. =] Hahaha, you have to had been there to understand. Anyways, the reason I bring up the two rival schools-USC/UCLA-is because my algebra two teacher (Mr. Langston) and my friend Jessica are always fighting over which is better. It's all fun and games, nothing serious, but we are keeping score. Jessica is for USC and Langston is for UCLA. It's funny to watch them make comments about the schools, such as "It's so simple a USC student could do it." and "For a UCLA student, you aren't very organized." (you have to know Mr. Langston to get that last one). And since I don't want to fail Alg. 2, I'm sticking with BYU...just in case. Lol not that Mr. Langston would ever fail me because I prefer USC....but just to be on the safe side.. hahaha. It's all good though. I love sixth period. Anyways, I got to go.

Peace, Love and Happiness.....
....to BYU students only!

Just Kiddin'! =]

I think we're gonna need a bigger boat...

Hot Cold Black White Up Down

Left

Right

Right

-or-

Wrong

No middle ground.

Seems to be the story of my life lately.

Yes

-or-

No

Cannot be Maybe.

I need a bigger boat. For those who have seen the movie JAWS (best movie ever!!), you know what scene I am referring to. The one where Brody sees Jaws for the first time. And he is like shocked. Scared I guess is a better word. That's how I feel. How I relate. I have all these worries that add up to the size of Jaws himself and I have a small boat. What fun that is. Well, at least I'm not that girl Chrissy(Sp?) at the beginning of the movie who gets eaten. As tempting as that looks, I'd rather stay in my little boat and try to fight. Wish me luck.

As my life seems to be getting more intensely complicated by the minute, I find how extremely grateful I am to have the friends that I have. They seem to be the only people who are willing to stay with me as I slowly lose my mind. And they're the ones who are going to be there when I start getting it back. School has become a paradise for me. Like my own personal escape from everything. Even though its where 90% of my stress comes from, my friends and some teachers can just make my day without even trying. It's almost like, for a second out of my life, I can have some fun and live a little....then some of my teachers tell us to quiet down and get to work. Hahaha, but that's when passing notes-not texting!-comes in handy. Teachers are so busy checking for cellphones that they begin to overlook the simple hand written notes students still use. Which is good for my friends and I because we can have seriously funny conversations. =]

Well, I forgot what else I wanted to say..haha. Until next time.

When life hands you lemons, must we always make lemonade?

existentialism
noun
(philosophy) a 20th-century philosophical movement chiefly in Europe; assumes that people are entirely free and thus responsible for what they make of themselves

_________________________________________

n. A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

(dictionary.com)

How would you use that in a sentence? Haha, maybe I'm too tired to figure it out, but still. That's a hard word to use in an everyday conversation. Unless you are seriously into intellectual conversation.

I like the first definition. It says nothing about being responsible for my actions. If only, right? If I didn't have to pay for my actions, then I wouldn't worry about make up work for school. Sadly, I do have to worry and stress. Which is not cool. It's as if my teachers hate me. Seriously. Like the first thing I want to do after attending a funeral-a very long one I might add- and trying not to get sick (which isn't working) is doing homework I don't understand because HELLO! I wasn't there to hear the lesson. Ummm, yeah. I get it that teachers do not generally care, but just give me a break. Just one. And Ms. Grossi? I understand you are very busy and what not...but how do you write a response to a DBQ? And what DBQ response thing am I supposed to do? Honestly. I know it's an AP course, but AP students need help too.

Yeah, I understand I'm complaining, but I can't help it. This is the only form of therapy I'm going to get for a while. Hahaha. So while being stressed out, I still am finding time to attend Winter Formal. Am I looking forward to it? Sure, kinda. We'll see. I was only going because I thought my best friend Sam was going. (no this isn't Best Friend. Sam and Best Friend are two different people) Well, it turns out she is not going. She didn't think I was serious. WHOOPS!! All well, at least Jess is going. I still need to go pick up my dress. Exciting. I don't like getting dressed up, but at least I'm getting fed. Haha. Hmmm, that wasn't really funny was it? Anyways....

I need sleep. Gotta get up before the sun does. So Goodnight World!

Dear Diary, whats wrong with me??....

Ah yes, a Dear Diary moment.

I woke up this morning realizing I made a huge mistake. Don't ask what it is, because I won't tell you. I'm sorry...wait, I just lied. I'm not sorry. Frankly, it is none of your business. Just know that I am working on fixing it at this very moment. Yes, while writing this lovely blog for some to read I am also formulating a plan. One that will be extremely successful, if I can manage to let the words out anyways. All, well... On to other things.

Oh my! Look at the date! February 14th... It's.....

VALENTINES DAY

I don't mean to offend anyone, but this is the stupidest holiday. Seriously. It's a greeting card holiday. A way for those people to make money!! Do you know how much money florists, greeting card companies, grocery stores, etc.. make on this day? I don't know the exact amount, but if you really think about it...the numbers begin to add up. This isn't something I'm being bitter about because I have no one to spend it with, this is actually something that is 200% S-T-U-P-I-D. And if you truly loved someone, you should show it everyday. Not just one particular day. And if you do celebrate v-day, then don't send flowers. Why? Because flowers die! Oh my gosh! How can you not see that?? You might as well write on the card:

' Dear _________,
I love you with all my heart. You mean the world to me. Our love is like these flowers I selected. It's a symbol of how our love blossoms and its beautiful......Then, watch how over the course of time, they shrivel up slowly and eventually die. And we will end up throwing them out because they look horrible and smell weird. Happy Valentines Day! I hope you enjoy the symbol of our love!'

Ummmmm, yeah. If you do want to get her flowers, get the fake ones that will last a few lifetimes. Okay? Because, seriously you may not have realized in the past what sending flowers meant, but now you do. And it's okay. It's not your fault. You didn't read too much into it. You wanted to do something romantic. And that's fine. The next time you buy flowers, think of the sample letter above and realize what you are actually truly saying. Then, go buy your significant other a puppy or kitten. Or chocolate. You can never go wrong with chocolate.

So now you know, and for those of you who still love this stupid holiday...
Go and get your love something sweet and from the heart.

-Me

THE AFTER PARTY OF THE AFTERLIFE!... isn't as great as it sounds..

Well, I am not sure how I feel yet.

My great grandma was Catholic, so naturally we had a catholic funeral for her. And wow did she know a lot of people!! I mean, holy cow! She had a lot of friends. Granted some she probably hasn't seen in five years, but still. And there was a lot of food at the reception. Which was held at my great grandads.

It was a sad affair. The funeral service thing took a long time. And myself, being a Latter Day Saint, I was completely lost. It was a nice service. And what the, er, person? had to say about Great Grandma Terri was nice. She was a wonderful person, although i disagree with him on the whole thing about her being 'quiet and peaceful'. It took all I had to not laugh. I'm serious. Great Grandma Terri was quite the opposite. She always voiced her opinion and she could talk FOREVER! Hahaha, that's why I love her so much. She always had interesting stories. You could always kill a few hours while with her and only have to nod along. I'm going to miss her. I said my goodbyes and she knows how much I love her. She was always helpful and an amazing cook. Always had food for us she did. Always something. She is going to be greatly missed.

Back to the funeral itself. It was interesting. I have never been to a Catholic funeral before. It wasn't what I'm used to. All well, it was pleasant all the same. Hopefully, I will not be attending another one anytime soon.

Now, to explain my absence on Thursday....

It started Wednesday night with my mother feeling rather ill. I told her not to worry about it. We could leave at nine in the morning and I can make it for the rest of school. Well, apparently my sister choice to get an ear infection that night as well. Yeah, I was not happy when I found out I would not be going home. No, I do not feel bad for my sister. Why? Because she had it coming. She doesn't listen. She shouldn't have been playing outside when its rainy and windy. She shouldn't listen to her Mp3 player thingy at full volume. She just had it coming. That's my opinion. No one wants to listen to me, that's what happens! I mean for crying out loud! Is it really that hard to sit inside and watch a movie for a little bit? Anyways, while everyone was fussing over her, I was stressing about the fact that I have missed yet another day of school. JOY !(<---sarcasm) I am now currently behind in all my school work. Very behind. It's going to take me a very long time to catch up. Which totally sucks. I now hate all my classes. I'm going to fail. It's official. Kiss my whole high school career goodbye-unless through some wonderful miracle that I would sooo be eternally grateful for, I can about 70% of the work I seriously need to make up during this wonderful, yet agonizing four day weekend.

Wish me luck!

(Seriously, someone please wish me luck!!)

-Me

Funerals are a funny thing.

Here for your reading pleasure, is how my day went.

Its starts normal:

• seminary
• school
  -see Sammy
  -see Best Friend
  -sees nurse
  -lunch
  -.....phone call....?

AH, yes. The dreaded phone call.

I usually never get phone calls during school hours. Unless someone wants me to babysit later that day, but still. Phone calls during school are rare. So thats why i started to worry. Thank goodness it was during lunch and i was in the drama room. Almost..ironic in a sense. That prompting to go to the drama room when the idea was first pitched. There's twisted humor for you-you have to really want to see it. Now, if your mother were to call you at lunch, you automatically think, "uh-oh, who is dead/dying/sick/injured/getting a divorce/got in an accident..?"

What is amazing is when the answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE. One of those, "Oops! I meant to call (insert other persons name here)! Haha, sorry!"

Hahahaha, yeah..... I'm not that lucky. No sir. At lunch, the answer was (condensed for your sake) basically this,"Great grandma is in the hospital. Doesn't look good. Doctors aren't sure if she is stable enough to operate...I'm picking you up from school early. Love you, bye." Yeeaahhhh, that was it in a nut shell. From there..its been downhill....

As soon as my mom picks me up, I find out she has less than an hour to live. This was an hour ago. Whether or not she is still alive, I'm not sure. I don't believe she is.

It's weird. My dad just saw her the other day.. THE OTHER DAY! and yet there she is! (or isnt) lying in a hospital bed, DYING. And I'm not there. Not there to say goodbye and tell her how much i am going to miss her and tell her how much i love her. No. Im here. Freaking blogging about it because its the only way i can vent right now. The last things i get to say to her are being written. At least its something right? Just not something she will read..or even Great Grandpa for that matter. I wonder how he's doing..

Well, within the next week or two. There will be a funeral. I will get dressed up in black clothing. Sit in pews and listen to family speak about my Great Grandmother. Then, thats where it will really hit me that she is not coming back. And i will cry for another week or so..and feel weird for a while. No one will want to talk about it. So i will be alone. In a corner. Trying to recall all the times i was there at her home. And trying to keep the picture of her face alive and smiling in my mind. Funerals are a funny thing. Possibly the only occasion where people are gathered together sharing each others pain and grief and sorrow, all united and filled with the same empty void. Amazing and sad at the same time.